A Twitter user @TosinAdeoye10 shared her experience on how a Married Man nearly engaged her sometime last Year.
I'm not an advocate for "men are scum" but I've had my fair share. Almost got engaged to a married man around this time last year.
— Tosin Adeoye (@TosinAdeoye10) October 23, 2017
I’m not an advocate for “men are scum” but I’ve had my fair share. Almost got engaged to a married man around this time last year.
A few weeks after my birthday last year, I performed a spoken word at an event in Transcorp. At the end of the event, I heard someone call me. As I turned to see who it was, I literally melted. This man was the finest piece of art I’ve seen in a while, with the brightest smile. 😍😍 We got talking, exchanged contacts and all, I barely listened to what he was saying, I was love struck 🤣.
Few months into talking we decided to take it up a notch, I mean this guy ticked most of the boxes, I was his queen (or so I thought). He treated me right, the way any girl that knows her worth will love to be treated. It was intense, it was what I hoped for, I was in love.. He loved everything I enjoyed doing, there was never a dull moment, we were both extremely adventurous people, it was fun and exciting. We were both intelligent people, so it was always fun challenging each other intellectually😍, nothing sexier than that to me….
So we start officially dating and this relationship was perfect, we were even some people’s “goals”🤣🤣. It was everything I wanted until it went south- and FAST! He started acting up, no calls and texts. He wouldn’t answer my calls. I felt terrible, I was convinced I offended him, so I kept trying to contact him for a week. Finally he came around and said work was kicking him in the ass blah blah. Of course, I bought the lies. I just wanted my Prince Charming back 🤣Things were smooth, until he started being sneaky around me, excusing himself to answer calls and all, I chose not to pay much attention to it. Ignorance is bliss.
One day we were supposed to have dinner and he stood me up- no call or text. I called and texted… no reply. I was so angry I fell asleep. I woke up to a text from a friend, saying how she ran into him at Trukadero and he was with another girl, I played it cool and told her they were friends. I was a fool for him. He finally sent me one of those cute morning texts and I’m like, “No way, you stood me up!” Then I finally mentioned the girl he was with. He just laughed. How patronising? He managed to slightly convince me that she was a colleague from work and how the meeting was so last minute that’s why he stood me up. I let it slide so we moved on. But now I was getting suspicious, but I’m too lazy to do all that FBI detective stuff; didn’t go through his phone. At this point, I decided to just observe and monitor him.
Fast forward now… Saturdays were for hiking and getting super high; until one Saturday he said he wasn’t interested in doing anything, which was odd. I wasn’t ready for marriage last year (still not ready) which I had already made him aware of. Initially, he said cool but we could just be engaged and get married later. He got my ring size but I didn’t know when the engagement was going to happen. One Saturday we went hiking his car developed a problem. He had to be at a “meeting” so I said he could leave and I will sort out the car. After some hours the car was fixed and I was driving it back to his place when I was stopped by police. They asked for documents and everything, as I reached to get the car documents, diapers fell out…Wait wtf? I was shocked. I managed to sort thing outs with the police and left. Later that day I asked about the diapers and he lied about it. I just KNEW in my guts that he was lying but again, I let it slide. He started acting uncomfortable around me since that day. I just shoved it aside and ignored it.
The next day I ran a into my brothers friend and we got talking, he mentioned that he’s been seeing my picture on his friend’s (my boo) IG page. I was like yeah, I never knew you two were friends. Suddenly, there was a shift in his demeanour, he was uncomfortable, I could tell. Later on that same day, I saw my boo and told him about the encounter I had with my brother’s friend.
He said they used to be classmates in secondary school etc. nothing suspicious, so that passed. I saw my brothers friend again that same week…
We got talking and then he asked my view on girls that date married men. It was an odd point of conversation, however, nothing alarming so I shared my views and it must have been then that he knew that I truly didn’t know. Before he uttered a word my heart dropped, I could see it in his eyes he had bad new. He told me has to break the bro code because of my brother, he pulled out his phone and showed me pictures of my Prince Charming. Showed me his wedding pictures and also picture of his son, his family was abroad. I literally died on the inside. I became cold. I was heartbroken, I hated him instantly. I was still in shock and trying to process everything when his call came in.. dinner plans.
Apparently that was the proposal day. He picked me up for dinner. I acted normal. As we settled he started talking about how he much he loves me and how he was going to make me his wife, I just had to stop him there. I couldn’t take it, so I abruptly asked about his family. He denied it. I just smiled.
He was forming upset, I just calmly showed him pictures of his wedding and his family. He was dumbfounded, a few minutes passed and suddenly he wanted to explain.
I just burst out in tears, the guts he had trying to cook up more lies. In his anger and guilt, he placed the ring on the table and told me how he was actually going to propose but I ruined everything. I just stood up and left. He became dead to me, he was non-existent.
I got home called our mutual friends and casually brought up his marriage and they all had the same response, “No he’s not married.” I told them everything I knew and that was when we realized he had a total different identity in Abuja- except his name.
I was mad at myself because It was my first time giving love a chance and it totally ruined me. I was miserable for days.
I thought I found my soulmate at 21 but it was all a lie. Embarrassed and hurt I managed to tell my sister and friends about the relationship. I couldn’t forgive him or myself because he was someone’s husband and father. Something died inside of me.
Thanks to my sister, @tee_whhyy , Sarah and Amara. They saw me through the trying times.
My experience changed my views on ladies dating married men, some of them might not have known like me. Zero judgement.
Please people, if you’re with someone and they give you any reason to doubt them, please trust your instincts and investigate. Lol.